That three letter word...

My pants are falling down. Seriously. The jeans I'm wearing today I can pull right off with out unbuttoning them at all. And I just bought new jeans in a smaller size about a month ago. Now I need to go shopping again. I got dressed for work last week in an outfit that I used to think looked pretty good on me and now I look like a clown in it. It is just too big, even the shirt. This is a problem I don't mind having. I call it the "OMG! Someone new might see me naked sometime in the future!" weight loss plan and it is the best appetite suppressant I've found. I really wish I could have my 25 year old body back again if I have to start dating again. And I really wish I could get back the confidence I had before I spent 7 years with someone who did not find me physically attractive (or attractive in any way really, except maybe financially...), seven years where the only compliment you hear is a monotone "you look nice" can do a number on a girls self esteem. Just a few more things that are so unfair. Men are so dumb.
I was recently reading something somewhere online about sex and hormones. Oxytocin is the hormone that's released during arousal and orgasm. It's also the hormone released when a women is having or breast feeding a baby. It brings about emotional attachment so the woman feels bonded to her baby and wants to care for it and doesn't leave it to the wolves while she's off checking facebook. I knew all this. I've felt irrational emotional attachment to people (men) because of it, and just accepted it for what it is. What I didn't know and only found out recently is that testosterone counteracts the effects of oxytocin. Which explains why men can go around having sex with whoever, whenever and never think about them again, much less feel any emotional attachment. I found this to be really depressing. Oh and unfair.

I've been thinking about sex a lot lately. Oh I know, how dare I say that out loud! I'm a woman, I can't admit I miss or want sex! But what would dating be without sex? I mean without thinking about sex because I'm certainly not having any. Yet... ;) I wish I could read minds. I think it would make my life a lot less stressful. I look at these guys and wonder what exactly are they thinking about it? I know better than to believe what they say they think about it, I know that's mostly lies. Like Bachelor #2 telling me about how he doesn't have sex outside of relationships in one breath and then in the next telling me about the rug burns he got from the one night stand he had at his going away party 2 months ago. (why did he tell me about that?) This post has been edited because I am a liar! Sorry...