The next time I fall I'm gonna have to recall that it isn't love it's only something new...

Crap! People really read this! I don't think I wanted to know that, but maybe it's a good thing that I do... I'm feeling much better! Sorry for that, it was really just one really bad day, by the next day I was back to my normal mostly happy if a little jaded self!
We've had a great weekend. The girls and I have so much fun together. Even just shopping at Wal-mart we have a great time. The weather has been wonderful for November in ND. We stopped at a park yesterday on our way home and just ran around for awhile. Today we're going to go out for a bike ride.
I learned of another small downside to single parenting the other night: only one person in the bed. Susannah woke up crying in the middle of the night. She never, ever does this and she wrapped her little arms around my neck and said "I want to snuggle with you Mommy", and who can resist that? And I was sooo tired, so I brought her into my bed. She still sleeps in a crib so she's not used to keeping herself on the bed. I put a pillow on the other side of her but sure enough she ended up rolling right over the pillow and off the bed not once but twice that night, not a fun way to wake up at four in the morning... That was a rough night, and I was reminded to be ever so grateful that my kids are usually such great sleepers.
Does anyone else do this? It's like I have to be infatuated with someone at all times. How do you know what's real and what's convenient? In the past I have controlled it by putting it in safe, if inappropriate, places. There was a period of time, a long time ago, when I had a crush on one of my friends that I knew would never reciprocate. It worked very well, kept me out of trouble for several months. I think it made him pretty nervous but that was part of the fun. I'm not having any problems right now but I'm a little afraid of what will happen in the future. A little afraid, not a lot.
I'm trying to be really conscious of how much I try to manipulate situations. I think I used to do this, or try to do this a lot and I think it was necessary in my marriage to get through the days and weeks and months and years. Now I think it is not good for me and so I'm really trying to sit back and just let things happen. It's been suprisingly easy and has been working really well. It's amazing how much less stressful life is with this attitude.
Is life really full of irony or do we make it that way? How much of this drama is created by me? Looks like it's going to be an interesting week. I've got more to say (always) but there's a 2 year old demanding a snack hanging off my arm...
Oh and Mark? I didn't frost those cupcakes, Hornbacher's did, and you're right they did a damn fine job...