Oh you set up your place in my thoughts, moved in and made my thinking crowded...

Sorry it's been so long... I've been busy and my head has been full of things I can't talk about. Not here anyway. I'd be glad to share over a cup of coffee sometime or a few beers. Beer would probably be better, I'd tell you more, although I do talk a lot when I've had too much caffeine... I've got bachelor #3 on the brain. So much so that it's hard to think about anything else. And you'd better read that part quick because I don't know how long I'll leave it out here. I'm trying very hard not to panic, some days are harder than others.


Infatuation is a little like being drunk. It lowers your inhibitions - you say and do things you regret, talk on and on about things (like a particular person and how wonderful you think they are) no one else wants to hear about (well, that much anyway), you never really know for sure what's happening, you sometimes wake up the morning thinking oh my god what did I do? and why did I say that? Oh, it's embarrassing, or at least really uncomfortable. I hate it. Ok, I don't hate it. Well, sometimes I hate it. That's enough about that. Just for now though, hopefully...

Last week we went to the grocery store. I hate going to grocery store even by myself. I can't stand all the people getting in my way, walking so slowly, going the wrong way down the aisles, always standing right in front of the one thing I need... I usually am very angry and hating the world and most especially all the people in it by the time I finally get out of the store. And that's when I don't take the kids with me! I don't know if you know what it's like to take 2 small children to the grocery store but it can be quite a gamble. Sometimes they are wonderful, some times they are horrible. On this trip they were the former. We were in some aisle when a catchy song came on over the PA. I started dancing a little bit, right there in the grocery store, because that's one of the little things I do to not end up hating everyone else in the grocery store. Anyway, out of the corner of my eye I see Sylvia shaking it a little too. Not because she saw me, she was facing the other direction but because that particular song moved her too. People always tell me she looks so much like me, but it's so much more than that. Being her mom is such a wonderful feeling. It's like I finally found someone who understands me after all these years, and the reason she understands me is because half her DNA came from me. It's love that you never knew existed. I have trouble understanding how anyone could not want this. Yeah, they are a lot of work. You can't sleep in, you can't go out whenever you want, there are negatives too numerous to list here, but oh! they are so worth it! It's so hard to explain without sounding dramatic or conceited. I think other people with kids will understand. She's a whole complete amazing person. And she loves Thai food so much that she's willing to throw a tantrum over it. And when she grows up she wants to be a mom and a pharmacist. And when she hasn't seen me for 4 days she actually gets ill. I know her adoration of me and dependence on me won't last. I have friends with teenagers and I've heard there will be hard times ahead. Until then, I'm going to try to store up as many of these types of moments as I can to coast me through until the time we can be great friends again. Like I am with my mom. Whom I see so much of myself in...